Birthday Wishes ...

My Birthday Wish:

 I am asking that each of

you do one random act of kindness in

Memory of the 26 innocent people who lost

 their lives Friday. Take a moment & write a

 little note to make sure the person knows it's

in remembrance & encourage others to

 Pay it Forward!

When pigs fly ...

Well, we put men on the moon... I think that's close enough!

I know that God did an amazing job differentiating men & women. Their chemistry,emotions, bodies...but one things for certain. Men & women both are essentially selfish creatures.

I'm amazed at the fact that I apparently only attract unavailable men (those emotionally incapacitated or those who are in relationships)

My grandma jokingly calls me "the mechanic" because I find broken men & fix them for the next girl ... I have a 85% success rate at dating a guy & him marrying the next girl he's with ...

I have had one man be faithful in all the dating relationships I've been in & yet I still hold onto this little sliver of hope that somewhere. There is a guy who is honest. Faithful. Kind.

Hopefully a brighter post tomorrow,
All love
Char

The friend zone

Sucks!
Yes, I went there. :)
If any of you have ever been in the friend zone you understand that it really and truly is a terrible place to be & at some point you just get sick of wondering if the friendship, respect, and mutual lighthearted flirting will ever lead to something more. Something solid. Something real. You wake up one day and realize that you've somehow formed feelings for this person you know is incapable of feeling anything for you and because those lines have been blurred somehow through the everyday random text conversations. Phone calls, realizing you miss seeing their smile, hearing their laugh, and knowing that you knew all along who you are isn't who they want a relationship with. You end up laying In bed. Angry because you allowed yourself to feel something for the first time based on respect. Kindness. Trust. honesty. But. It's your own fault. You knew from the beginning you'd never leave the friend zone. Well your head knew it. Your heart just got caught in the cross-hairs. So...the best thing to do is... RUN. Looks like i be going shopping for a new pair of running shoes tomorrow!

You can't ...

One of the reasons I love my friends, is their accurate assessment of the state of my heart. A very dear friend sent me the following message this morning,

"God is love and grace. He meets us where we are, and if we ALLOW Him to change us, then we will be changed. But you have to allow yourself humanity. God created the perfect you. The basic personality traits and character that you have is who HE created you to be. Follow Him? YES!!! Seek Him? ABSOLUTELY!!! But allow yourself to BE who God called you to be so that you can DO what He called you to do.

So, at 24, I have to figure out who I am. Not the person I've become because I've wanted to please everyone in my life. I'm me.

I'm loud when I'm happy, quiet when I'm mad, ill when I'm hungry, organized in a very chaotic way; and independent with the need for human contact. I'm strong for everyone around me, and rarely allow myself to cry in front of anyone. I have an insane love for UGA football & baseball, I love animals, and NASCAR & making things out of "junk"- I crave Mexican food & action movies (Jason Stathom is my favorite)
Yup. That pretty much sums it up :)
And God will use me, just as i am, and I love that about Him.

Well...now, that's a deep subject.

Its 6:30 here in TN, and I already feel like i need to go back to bed; after last nights post, I was emotionally & physically drained... But; the most important part of me "escaping" to TN was to focus on God's plan, to clear away as many distractions as possible and as I started looking for verses to help me understand His plan for my life; I remembered these verses from 1 Thessalonians, he gives us 3 verses that state explicitly His will for our lives.

"Rejoice always. pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NKJV)

It's funny how when you dissect promises from God. You're never off the hook. He tells us we must DO. He gives us three commands before he finally states that in doing these things we will be in his will. ( verb, what he intends, desires, expects from our lives)

Rejoice: VERB: to feel or show great delight...

Pray: VERB: To wish or hope earnestly as you communicate with God in reverence.

Give Thanks: VERB: to express gratitude.

Without ceasing, always, in everything: ADVERB: at all times, in all occasions.

Well... Now, that seems pretty easy. And to be honest, If I had followed those three simples steps, I know. I wouldn't have half the problems I do now.

So here's to starting over. To relinquishing control, Giving all we've got from here on out to remain in the Will of God.

Be blessed
Much love
Char

Wait ...

The longer I live, the more I realize I am probably one of the most impatient people I know.

As of now, I'm 24, made some of the stupidest mistakes a girl can make...and am now reaping the fruits of my labor....God is definitely having to teach me the hard way to fully rely on him, and that straying from HIS will, will leave you heartbroken, broke, and shattered with no sense of direction, my hope is that by reading this, you will NOT make the same mistakes I have. that you will "Wait on the Lord" because he will "strengthen your heart. WAIT, I say on the LORD!!" - Psalm 27:14

A little background on me to understand where I'm coming from, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 7 years old. I grew up in a home where we attended church when the doors were open...and I knew my sister and I both were loved, would always be cared for, and for the most part had a normal and loving childhood. I never lacked anything I needed, and for the most part worked for everything I wanted; I was very active in 4H & FFA, showed livestock *sheep, hogs, cows*, gave some pretty awesome DPA speeches, and judged everything from poultry to livestock to consumer products, and always found a way to take care of everyone around me... I have a Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood Education (TU class of 2009...go NIGHTHAWKS!), I have always been very self motivated when it came to the work aspect of my life, and have busted my rear since I was a kid to make sure I had an education that could "get me somewhere" as everyone use to say ... this is really the only aspect of my life I could say was half way successful until the past few years, I graduated the top of my class, have always had a desire to teach, and after college could not find a job...and to this day haven't been able to obtain a teaching position.... God has really opened my eyes to show me how prideful I had become about my education. "I" paid for it. "I" earned it. "I" deserve a job....when I should have always just been thankful for the opportunities he presented and provided for me to accomplish this dream. HE opened the doors so I could go to school close to home, HE allowed for people to generously select me for scholarship money. HE literally had his hand on me when I should have died my junior year of College...I know HE has a plan for me. *Jeremiah 29:11-13

The other aspects of my life, I have sown very carelessly some pretty terrible seed I have and will have to continue to reap the fruits of those decisions...I have not exactly been in God's will in my dating life and the kind of friendships I've allowed in my life have not always been up to par. I have entered into emotionally and physically abusive relationships and stayed in them, because I am to the core a "people pleaser" and for a very long time could only see the people I loved as who they could be, their potential to be great men, I had the very messed up notion that I could change someone so they could have the capability to be Godly men, love me, and have a desire to provide as a man should.... turns out, I am definitely not God, and that was HIS job! I have had to suffer through realizing I will never be able to give the man God created to be my husband the ONE wedding gift HE sanctified and blessed because I willingly gave it to a man who never loved me when I was 18 years old, and because of that, I devalued who I was and the importance of purity which made giving into temptation so much easier when that relationship failed.

Through much prayer, I now realize that God can forgive any sin, and although I can't give my future husband my virginity on my wedding night, I will be able to give him a wife that Loves the Lord with all her scarred up heart. But I can say this, I pray that if you are reading this, and have made the decision to stay pure until your marriage night, PLEASE keep that commitment to Christ, your future spouse, and yourself. I promise you, you will regret it if you don't. It's an indescribable pain once you realize that you have given away something that was never yours to start with, something you can never get back, and can never duplicate.

I also live every day knowing (although no longer dwell) that my first child is in heaven, because I miscarried after a wreck leaving my ex's house after a fight, and then struggled with the thought of ending my life because I felt like I didn't deserve to live because I had allowed myself to enter into and stay in a physically abusive relationship, finally had the courage to end it, and then found out I would be having his child; and did not have to courage to tell ANYONE until years after the whole incident was over... thankfully my guardian angel took the form of my Daddy ... My Daddy is truly my lifesaver, the morning after I miscarried, at home, without telling anyone what happened, I seriously contemplated ending my life. I had already written a note to my family, and had a handful of painkillers and muscle relaxers that were prescribed to me after my wreck. My parents both worked, Dad in Quitman (45mins away), Mom in Moultrie(20mins away)...to understand how God used my Dad to save my life, you first have to know that My Daddy is the hardest working man on the planet, and has, in my lifetime, taken maybe 5 days off work...and most of them were because he was too sick to go in....at around 11:00 the morning after my miscarriage, I finally made the decision that I would end my life; I hear someone pull into our driveway; open the door and walk up the stairs. My Daddy, a man who had never taken a day off of work, sits on my bed, says," I just came home to check on you, I love you, I'm gonna go cut grass..." and walks out of the room....I knew God had bigger plans for me. My life wasn't over, and I flushed every pill with my name on it down the toilet. Before or since my miscarriage, I had never contemplated suicide,but realize now that there is a breaking point for everyone. That there is a point you can get to where you feel helpless, unloveable, guilty, and bitter enough to want to end your life. And I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, if it hadn't been for my relationship with Christ, parents who diligently prayed for me, and my Daddy who for some reason came home early that day... August 2008, would have been the last date on my headstone.

As the years have passed, my heart has been broken numerous times, job doors have been slammed in my face, people have walked out of my life, and I have finally come to the point where I know this life is NOT mine to live, and well, to be honest living it my way has pretty much ruined it.

As I finally relinquish the hold I've had on my life, I realize it's okay to want a job I'll love... It's okay to desire a Godly man that will love me... BUT i MUST remain in God's will, and as I seek HIS will as new adventures begin, I will take everyday as a new challenge to walk closer to Him, so knowing His will, will be easier...

I have had a friend text me and ask me about taking a position in Athens, GA doing something I ADORE doing, and living in a town I LOVE.... I have begun praying about it, and hope to figure out if that is where I need to be....

Love Always,

Char

Escape Route

I've always had a theory, that no matter where you are you should know at least 2 ways to exit the room, somewhat gracefully, if need be. Here recently my life has felt like a large house with doors slamming in my face right & left ... And with each door that shuts, the room gets smaller and smaller .... As the final door closed this week on my plans; I remembered the old adage ... "when God shuts doors. He opens windows" ... And at the point i was at, i was ready to just jump out of any window i saw! Luckily, My window came in the form of a Yukon traveling north, and a guest room At my aunt & uncles home hundreds of miles away from every door that's slammed shut in my life the past 24 years. And although I'm very discouraged, I know God has a plan for my life. Not sure what or where that will be; but doors will open again one day. Lord willing.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 ( read it ) ;
:)
Much love. Always.

Moments

There are moments in life when I'm not real sure how I've gotten into half the situations I've been in. How I've lived through them, or why I had to face them. Moments that have changed my life forever: the way I see the world, the way I see people, the way I have perceived Christ. I've questioned God, I have screamed at him & demanded answers I have cried out in prayer & at the end of the day I've finally realized. I'm not and never will be in control. I don't have to know why or how. I just have to know the who. The Who that has covered my past with his blood, holds my hand as I get through today & has every hope I will need for tomorrow.
I'm not & have never claimed to be perfect. I have skeletons in my closet, I have a past that I'm not proud of...but one thing I know. Without a shadow of a doubt. Is that I am forgiven by the King of Glory.

Friendship

Today was one of those days that I just needed my best friend. That one person I can count on no matter what. Who has committed to be there through the thick and thin. To be my word of encouragement, shoulder to cry on, and dose of reality when needed. I was blessed with a very large and loving family, but I have only a handful of true friends that I know will be here for me no matter what situation may arise. In a strange way all of my best friends came out of some of the worst situations that have occurred in my life...guess the cream will always rise to the top. Britt is that person for me. The one person, I believe knows my heart sometimes better than I do. She has stood by me, stood up for me, and sometimes even carried me through days like today. When I am to a point I honestly want to give up on letting anyone else into my life. Friend or otherwise. People just never cease to amaze me...If it weren't for her, there's a good chance I would honestly believe that everyone that walked into my life that wasn't related to me would leave. Take what they needed/wanted whether it be emotional or physical...and when they didn't need me anymore just walk away...like there was never a friendship, never a vulnerability, never a connection at all. Then I'm reminded of my daddy's favorite saying, " well, what's the common denominator?..." - and the answer is always ME ... and right now I am angry, I am hurt, and I am mad...and that's okay, but I hope I never understand that part of people that can just walk away, I hope that every time someone walks into my life I can still have the courage to give them part of who I am, even when I know they will walk away...because at the end of this life, I don't want look back and see that I had let my past hurts get in the way of any new friendship, that I gave my all to people, that maybe, just maybe those hours, or days, or months that I got to spend with everyone that walked into my life; maybe I meant something to them, maybe I helped just a little bring back something in their life they'd been missing. Maybe I showed them something about themselves they'd forgotten was there. Maybe I showed them a little bit about what love looks like. And who knows, maybe one day as my Papa says, "I will have enough true friends to carry my casket" ... but until that day comes, I will hold tight to the ones who are here, I will love them with all I am, and will forgive the hurt that is caused by those who chose to walk out of my life, because in the grand scheme of things, I know I am loved with an "everlasting love;
I [was] drawn you with unfailing kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3

Coleman

So, I've fallen in love with a cat that has taken up at the house. The first time i saw him he was sleeping on top of the ice chest (hence, Coleman) He's seriously the meanest cat on the planet. He loves on me & wants to snuggle until he's through with me. :) He loves to play in the pine straw and bite toes. As much as I know it's completely messed up that I love my two hours I spend just sitting on the porch waiting for a four legged mean animal to want to sit in my lap an purr for just a few minutes. I adore those moments. Sitting in the dark in the rocking chair, just thinking about life. It's funny how it sometimes takes a completely random, mean cat to get you to stop & just enjoy the quiet.
Those moments, I am still & I know He is God. And He has all the chaos in my life figured out. And until he lets me know what the plans are, I'll continue to soak up the crazy moments with Coleman. :)

Just Visiting ...

It's been a day! :)

I had an amazing day today, I started my day off with a great visit to the doctor's office for a biometeric screening .... (I didn't allow myself time to blog this morning * gotta get better at this time management thing!) ... then spent the day in Downtown Moultrie, GA visiting with some of my favorite shop owners, got all my paperwork situated at MTC so I can start classes in August, ate lunch with my Mom, and shelled peas with my Memaw...and accomplished losing two separate games of Words with Friends...yes, I am that terrible at it! With the chance to be in the quiet car for 20-30 minutes at the time alone, I have had a lot of time to think today.

Yes, I struggle ....

I can tell a big difference in my life after just a few days of making the Word and time spent in prayer a priority, and not just something I would do when I could get around to it. I see little "God" things throughout the day... I'm generally a happier person ... BUT

I know I have a target on my back, because when Satan sees you growing in your faith, he will target your weakness, the blessings God bestows on you, he tries to turn into a stumbling block ... and I can see that a little in my heart right now. Being emotionally involved in people is something I am good at, I can pour myself into people, and in the past that has hurt me, it's one of my biggest weaknesses & strengths .... God has sent an amazing friend in my life who has shown me that there are still Godly, good, sweet people in this world who don't have ulterior motives for their friendship (the fact that he's a Man, makes that a miracle!) . As much as this friendship has been a Godsend and an indescribable blessing...Satan has attacked my heart so much the past few days, throwing darts of worry, bitterness of old friendships that have fallen apart, questions about whether I could have deeper feelings that friendship...I'm just struggling with how to be the friend I need to be without becoming too emotionally tangled up, because as much as he has every quality I've ever asked for in a husband, I know he is my friend and that is all he needs to be. And my impatient, selfish flesh being attacked by Satan wishes that all my dreams have come true, but I know my heart, I know my place as God's daughter, I know my place as a friend, and I know I haven't received conformation that he is the man I need to date. And I will not allow my impatience to ruin any other aspect of my life. ((yes, I have asked for God to make specific things happen for me to know when and who I will date, see Isiah 7:11)

1 John 1:3

"that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ."

* My job as a disciple of Christ is to tell people about what He's done in my life! To want others to fellowship with me in His Glory! Because where two or more are gathered HE will be in our midst.

My Prayer for Today

Dear Lord,

Today, I come to you in Jesus name, thanking you for saving me, for giving me great things to tell others about. Thank you for giving me the desire to want to fellowship with fellow Christians, I pray that you will help me as I try to find a church home where my spiritual talents can flourish for you, and I can worship you uninhibited, and in the presence of people who love you! Thank you for ****, and what his friendship has taught me about your love. The consistency and grace that he exhibits is because of his love for you. Thank you for using him to encourage me in my faith. I pray in your Son's name, that you will look after my Future Husband, bring revival to his soul, to his family, give him the desires of YOUR heart. Guard his heart against the Evil one, please remove any emotional entanglements in his life, that he may fall more in love with you.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

June 7 - AM Unplugged ...

UnPlugged!

Today is going to be a strange day ... I left the only wall charger that is still intact and working to my phone at my grandparents' last night ... My mind is reeling ( which reminds me, I really want to go fishing ) - so I will start off today sharing my quiet time with you all, and letting you know what all I would like to accomplish today... and without Words With Friends & Scrambble with Friends, I may actually get all this done! :) 1. start supper 2. get all the laundry finished up 3. get all the stuff from my car out of the kitchen ( I cleaned the Yuki out yesterday) 4. get my recliner upstairs 5. get all the bathrooms clean.

1 John 1:2

What I have grown to love about John is how simply he speaks, although it's difficult to take his writings verse by verse sometimes. To know that we have to words of one of Jesus' best friends about his life, who he was, that's pretty amazing....makes me think: if I were going to have someone tell my story, who would it be? my family...my friends...my coworkers, would all their stories line up as well as the inspired writers of the Bible? I love words, when I read something I think is important, I like to find out exactly what the words mean, how they were meant in the context, and how I can apply it to my life....so bear with me as I continue to dissect 1 John 1:2 :

"(for the Life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and show unto you that Eternal Life, which was with the Father and was manifested unto us)"

- The Life - Jesus, Salvation through Jesus - manifested - verb (past tense): to exhibit, or make plain - bear: (verb) bring, endure, give birth -witness (verb) : testify, authenticate, tell the truth of something -show (verb): to actively exhibit something - Eternal Life: Jesus, the son of the trinity -The Father: God, the father of the trinity

Jesus was made plain to the disciples, they endured to testify and tell the truth of who He was. To actively exhibit His Love, His Grace, His Plan for salvation. This too is our job, as his followers.

As I go throughout my day, how can I "actively exhibit" Christ's Love in my life for the world to see?

Prayer for Today

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your Son, and allowing him to lay his life down for my sins, so that I could have a relationship with you. I know if I had been in charge of the redemption process we would all be toast. I will never understand how you allowed men to hurt your Son, to save me. Thank you for your Word, and having men like John write it plainly so someone as simple as myself could attempt to understand your Love. I know I fail miserably in being holy, because it's not my job. But I do know, I am wholly Yours, I am forgiven, I am made whole by only Your love. And Lord, I pray you will give my future husband the clarity of mind to know that the main thing is, that I am yours. I may not be what he thought his perfect wife would be, but God let him know you made me just for him. Let him fall more deeply in love with who You are, so that you can lead his heart to mine.

June 6, 2012

I apologize in advance for the length of this post ... 


I have begun a journey as a challenge to myself...to pray daily and fervently for my future husband. 
I know what you may be thinking ... let and let God bring you the perfect guy... you'll never find a guy if you don't date ... when you stop looking and are happy with you, God will send you someone .... 


Yes, all of that may be true, but see the thing is, I am finally letting go, I'm finally okay with dating, I am finally happy with who God created me to be, and for the first time I see glimpses of that woman everyday; but as a friend told me a few nights ago, "there is power in prayer that is pure" - so I will strive, with a pure heart, to pray for the man I know God has created for me. . . and encourage you to do the same if you're single, or for your daughters, sons, and even for me. . . because he is out there, I may have seen him, I may have talked to him, but from this day forward, I will know that is covered in the cloak of prayer as I strive to become a "virtuous woman, whose price is far above rubies" ; because until I am the woman God needs me to be to serve standing beside a man as his helpmate; I don't deserve the kind of man I need to stand by me. 


This is not a pursuit of obsession, I have a million other things to do with my day as I enter into this Summer, starting a in depth study of 1 John, practicing my Proverbs 31 skills taking over more of the household responsibilities around the house ( I have come to LOVE doing laundry), cultivating new friendships (that's a story in and of itself), and diving into the Word and into prayer as I try to find what church body I need to call "home". All of which I'm sure I will be writing about. 


So, here it goes... 
1 John 1:1 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of Life." 
- The teacher in me is SCREAMING as I read this! All the great verbs (action words) for what we do/have done with the Word of Life .... Heard, Seen, Looked upon, Handled .... am I doing this everyday???  I hear the word, but am I LISTENING? .... i see it everyday, but am I LOOKING? ... I handle it, but am I USING it?? 




Dear Lord,
I come to you today, thankful, content, and happy.  
I know in my heart that you alone can fill every desire of my heart, that until YOU are the love of my Eternity; I will not be ready for the Love of my Life. I pray that whomever this man is that he will fall in love with you, that if he hasn't come to know you as his Savior, that you will clear away any obstacles in his mind and heart, and he will have an unshaking desire to know you! that he will have a desire to read and know your Word, and that those words will transform his heart. And if he is already one of your children, I pray that revival will come into his heart and life, that today you will send your Spirit to touch him in amazing way, that you will give him the desire to serve You alone, so You can prepare his heart to love me. Give him strength, courage, and protection as we actively wait on Your timing to begin our life serving you together. 
In Your Son's Precious and HOLY name I pray, 
AMEN 


.... see you tomorrow guys! I promise it will be shorter! :)